my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just blew my weed a kiss
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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