Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
