I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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