i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
