so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You made out with two different species that night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
