This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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