You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
