Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
