Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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