She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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