I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
