i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
