Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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