at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
