Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
