ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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