I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
