And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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