Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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