we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
