This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
