why didn't you poke me back
I want to stick my p in your. b.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
