she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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