I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Randomize
