There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
