Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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