A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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