I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
