I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
