ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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