I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
