4 words: hood of his car
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
