Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
