with your own penis?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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