bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
