Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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