Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
