Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
