That's intense
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
