the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
