Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
