I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
