I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
