The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
