I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
