Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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