I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
