He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
