I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
