Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
